Do you know what’s interesting? Life teaches us lessons over and over again until we finally get them through our thick skull. Do you know what’s painful? Actually fixing things so you don’t keep bashing yourself on those lessons over and over again.
Over the last 12 months I have learned a lot about myself, but some things just finally came into focus this weekend.
- Alcohol and peace of mind do not mix for me. I did a 75 day alcohol detox that ended about a month ago and now that I’m back drinking occasionally it is painfully obvious that I am better in control of my own state of mind when it’s not clouded by drinking, regardless of how little that may be.
- I am the only one responsible for my own happiness. Nobody else. If I’m not happy, I need to do something to fix that, not expect others to magically fix it for me.
- The corollary to #2 — I’m not responsible for anybody else’s happiness either. If I disappoint them because I’m trying to manage lesson #2, then we are both going to be disappointed. I definitely try never get in the way of someone else’s pursuit of happiness, but damn I’m not going to be disappointed in myself if they’re not happy either.
That’s it. Those three simple things.
Now I have to:
- Stop drinking except once in a blue moon
- Do better managing my own happiness
- And stop trying to manage others’ happiness
I have spent too much of the last several days wallowing in my disappointed expectations. It’s not the world’s fault I’m a morose moron half the time. That’s a choice I’m making for some stupid reason.
Now I have to figure out what makes me happy because I’m truly not sure.