Mid-life crisis. It’s a term that gets thrown around quite a bit. Ever had one?
I’m not sure mine qualifies, but let’s examine the facts and look at a few key moments. Somehow, I think I’ve been an adult for my whole life.
Here’s the “More than you ever wanted to know about Fitz” portion of this post.
I’ve been working since I was 16 and only had one break around 1998 or 1999 when I took an unpaid month-long sabbatical from work that only lasted two weeks. Put everything I owned in storage and drove through New Mexico, Arizona, California, Utah, and Wyoming on that trip. Had a good time in Taos. Saw the Meteor Crater in Arizona. Made it to the beach in San Diego. Stayed at the Luxor in Las Vegas. Saw the Great Salt Lake in Utah. But got bored and decided to return home. Traveling alone wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
Moved into a new apartment across the street from the old one I’d vacated a month prior and settled back into my same old job. True story.
Then my best friend, Sean, passed away suddenly in a car accident. My world changed overnight. When I turned 30, I dwelled obsessively over the fact that I was moving past the age he was when he died. It was a difficult situation made better by my then-girlfriend at the time, Ev, and my good friends Dino and Kevin. We went to Vegas and had a blast. And that was the trip where the “Rainman incident” occurred at a Blackjack table as a highlight of the trip.
A few months later, I was married and a few months after that we had our first child and moved to Arizona. In little more than a year, my entire life changed dramatically and I was just catching up. With a new child, a new wife, and a new life in a state where I knew nobody at all, I was cast adrift for a good while. It eventually settled down, but those first couple of years were a bit rough.
When I was 35, we had just moved back to Colorado Springs and I was living alone in the house we had just purchased, waiting for the rest of the family — Ev, Mickey, and newborn AJ — to get here. It was a bit of a dark time, but was brightened when they arrived and we began settling in. More craziness as we got our bearings and school started for both of them.
But over the next few years, working from home, I became more and more isolated. By the time I was 42, I was overweight enough I could have gone one of two ways… Continued on the trek I was on and likely eaten myself into an early grave, or achieved control of that part of my life and start crossfit. I did the latter in 2013. Thank goodness I did.
Now, I’m struggling again. Work isn’t fulfilling me like it has for a very long time. And in the last year I rediscovered my love for writing and playing games. A lot of that came as I opened up, gained confidence, and got fitter through crossfit.
Seems that every few years we get a major shake-up that puts the crisis on hold as we regain our bearings. The last one was 11 years ago. It’s been a while.
And now I want more for myself again, which is weird. More fulfillment? What a concept.
Plus I can see the writing on the wall as far as major changes down the line. Mickey will graduate high school next year. AJ four years past her. That’s five years until empty nest begins. What will we do then? Ev will likely still be going a million miles an hour in 18 directions at once. And I’ll likely still be holding the line.
I’m just not sure holding the line is enough any more.
Actually I’m pretty sure that it isn’t.
But where do I go from here? Adulting is hard. Need the corporate gig unless we suddenly win the lottery.
Yeah, maybe it’s a mid-life crisis.